Blame your horoscope
Luck is only a theoretical concept when ambition and efforts unite
It’s a typical summer morning. Birds are chirping. There is a cold breeze flowing over my bed. I smell hot coffee from the kitchen. I refuse the temptation and roll over beginning the next phase of my sleep cycle. Doctors recommend seven to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep for adults. I strictly adhere to such advice. After all, it’s all about good health. Doctors also recommend morning walks and home-cooked meals over fast food. However, uninterrupted sleep is keeping me on my toes and hence I choose to ignore the rest of the suggestions as of now.
My mother knows me very well. In Bollywood movies, the mom character smiles and opens the curtain. Sunlight enters the room and falls exactly on the hero’s face waking him up. The heroine is never in bed till 10 am because daughters and daughters-in-law are expected to wake up early.
In real life, girls like me thus have the pressure to establish gender equality. We are not lazy. We wake up late for the sake of society.
Anyways this ‘waking up by sunshine’ trick would certainly not work in my case. My mother is aware that opening up windows, snatching away my blanket, or talking out loud does not affect me. She has a better weapon ready. She will come to my room, ask me to get up in a very soothing voice. If I don't (which happens most of the time), she simply turns off the fan. You can not sustain without a fan irrespective of any season in India after 9 am. The heat makes me grumpy.
Finally, when I wake up every day, I see different activities going on around me. My sister is either asleep or gone for a morning walk or attending a last-minute scheduled online lecture for extra credit. My mother is either watering plants or busy in the kitchen cooking healthy meals. The only constant in my universe is my Dad. He is always reading the newspaper whenever I wake up. He is totally impartial. He reads each section with equal attention may it be sports, politics, or international. While I prefer reading only those news that has a direct impact on my life, my sister on the other hand browses through headings and is deeply concerned about entertainment and advertisement sections. An efficient time management technique you know. The clock struck nine when my dad realized that he is running super late for work. Like a five-year-old who reluctantly goes to school, he unwillingly gave up the newspaper and headed towards the bathroom. I grabbed it furiously and started reading my favorite section — The one-liner horoscope of the day.
Before you start judging me, let me clarify. I am not some irrational creature who blindly believes in astrology and blames horoscope when things don't work out. I read it for fun and a good laugh. I am not addicted to it. Neither does it stay in my subconscious mind. The horoscope section is right beneath the comics section just above the crossword puzzle. Even the newspaper agency does not want you to think of it as a serious matter. However, reading horoscopes is like a tradition. My grandmother did. My mom did. Now how can I back off?
Cut!
Lights! Camera! Action!!
(Devashri is biting nails simultaneously reading horoscope)
“There are high chances of extra income.”
I was on cloud nine ever since I read it.
Pessimistic me — “Devashri don't be such a fool. it's just a prediction and the chances of it happening in real life are almost nil.“
Optimistic me — “Oh c’mon! You read the horoscope by your choice. You can not just ignore it. What if it's true? You could use some extra cash.”
Pessimistic me — “With your luck? Not a chance. Enough of this nonsense. Get ready for work.”
Optimistic me — “Alright. Listen to this hopeless realistic part of yours. It is a crime to dream small. Don't you want to buy the gorgeous Zara dress that you added to the cart six months ago? This is your opportunity. Use it or lose it.”
Reading horoscopes has been an integral part of my morning routine for years. I decided to give this toxic relationship a chance. If it does not work out this time, I am definitely calling it off.
“How can I earn some extra money?” I asked myself. A bunch of creative ideas started popping into my head. First things first. Let's check if there are any unopened gift money envelopes in my drawer. Most of the time I just throw them into the drawer and think of it as an emergency fund.
*No envelopes found*
That's strange. I don't really remember opening any of them. Oh, wait. I don't even remember receiving any such envelope in the last year.
*Corona -> Lockdown -> No to celebrating festivals -> No family functions
-> No cash envelopes*
Coronavirus is truly threatening the economy.
“Maybe I should stop wasting my time and get back to work.” — My brain.
“Failure is the first step to success. Don't give up now.”
*Optimistic me takes control of my brain.*
“Why don't you relax for a bit and check Facebook?”
*I obey this instruction sincerely*
Optimistic me — “Don't you have a teeny tiny brand called Muffin-E-Mastana through which you sell baked goods? You often get a lot of orders from Facebook reach. Why don't you check if you have any new orders received today?”
*No new orders to show at this time*
*Facepalm*
Optimistic me — “Never mind. We still have plenty of options.”
Meanwhile, my sister was ordering stationery items online. She proceeded to the checkout and payment failed. She tried twice. No luck. She called me for help.
Optimistic me — “Muahahahaha!! Choose a payment method only after going through all the offers. Repeat after me — Cashback..rewards...Discounts.”
My sister was shocked when I came running from another room just to help her. I intentionally chose Google Pay over internet banking.
*Payment success. Rs. X debited*
*You earned a reward*
Optimistic me — “Thank you for the honor. This was only possible because of your faith in me!”
Pessimistic me — “Why so eager my friend? Shut up and let her open the scratch card”
I hastily scratched the card.
*Better luck next time*
*Sad music playing in the background. I am sitting alone. Just like Shin-chan, there is a black hole of depression covering me*
Pessimistic me — “Muahahahaha!!”
I was heartbroken. I started working. I knew this would distract me for a while. I replied to emails, proactively participated in requirement gathering discussion for a new feature. I pointed out pitfalls in UX designs that were shared. I even had a fight with backend team members over ownership of few bugs.
*Front end developer life rituals*
Around 5 pm, after sipping a mug of hot coffee my brain cells became active again. I scrolled through my internet banking portal to check if there was any fixed deposit or recurring deposit maturing today.
*No results to showcase*
While looking at my bank records, a light bulb went on in my head. I went for dinner with my girlfriends last week. We did not have enough cash. I had paid the entire amount using my debit card. We split up the amount and everyone transferred their share digitally except Miss X. She said she had a network issue that day. It's been a week now. She must have forgotten.
Optimistic me — “Just call her and remind. There is nothing wrong in asking for your own money.”
Pessimistic me — “Exactly! That's your money. It can not qualify as extra income. Yous should call her immediately though.”
This was a historic moment of agreement. I called her.
After one hour when I hung up, there was no money and we ended up gossiping about everybody at the dinner.
Before I could mourn about another failed attempt at earning extra money, I jumped on a client call. The Zara dress was not going to feed me after all.
At the end of the day, I was a total loser who ran behind a false prediction.
*One new email received*
I was in no mood to read it but it was marked urgent so I decided to give it a shot. My team works on a software product that is live in the market and has active customers. We promise clients 24 by 7availability and thus someone from the team has to acknowledge issues if reported. In the software field, we call this ‘support duty’. I was wondering if this email was a mistake since Mr. ABC was supposed to be on support duty for this week. However, the email said that he had a medical emergency and hence was not able to take care of it. I was requested to fill this gap.
That opportunity excited me. Don't get me wrong. I was not happy because Mr. ABC fell from his bed and broke his leg. ( Oops! Was I not supposed to disclose this publicly?) Neither do I like to get up from a deep sleep because some button on UI isn't working. Support duty does not fall under the regular workload. This means you get an extra stipend along with your regular salary. My face was glowing when I confirmed the delivery address for my very special Zara gown. I completely ignored the optimistic me and pessimistic me who started arguing over if the prediction for today was correct since this so-called extra income was going to hit my bank account at the end of this month. I was sure about one thing though. I was going to wake up and read the horoscope section tomorrow. Not just tomorrow but the day after tomorrow and so on...
As they say, some things will never change!
